One year ago today at almost exactly the same time I am writing this I was in the middle of the biggest crisis of my life to date. I was driving home after having just been laid off from my seemingly stable job at a marketing firm. I was afraid. I was angry. I literally felt as though the ground had been removed from beneath me. And the worst part was I had to go home to my wife and kids that depended on me….and tell them.
I had been working at this firm close to 3 years. We had made a big move from Pennsylvania out to Kansas for this job. Most of my time there was really good. There were some great people that worked there and it did not feel like most office jobs I had worked at before. It did not pay great but I had heard 2 things, at the 3-5 year mark you can see a good pay increase and that at a certain point when you make too much they promptly get rid of you.
I had seen others who I had thought were vital to the company rise to the top and then vanish. But they were not me...I was not going anywhere. People who keep their head down and do everything asked of them like me don’t get laid off. Those people must have done something really wrong.
In the winter of 2013 after returning from a trip to the east coast to see family Susan and I began really considering a move back in that direction of the country. We had just been informed by my landlord that he had sold our home of only 10 months and so instead of finding another place locally this could be our chance to move somewhere closer to the majority of our families.
My current department at my job was small and had seen a lot of sudden transitions in those months, so not wanting to surprise them with my leaving I went in and talked with my manager about our plans. I thought it was the right thing to do. She was very surprised and seemed a bit shaken. I could see her fear of losing me at this point in our department in her eyes. Though I had my faults I had gone above and beyond for that team. I had tackled a large learning curve and had spent several months being the only person on that team, earning the company 100,000’s of dollars. Not the millions other departments made but nothing to feel bad about.
She told me that there would be management opportunities in the very near future and that if she were me, she would really think about staying because it would be a good move professionally. We decided to stay.
A month later we were faced with the financial strains of moving and other expenses. My 3 year review was coming up in a few months and so I asked if we could potentially talk about a raise a bit early. I certainly deserved one and thought my manager would be on board given her management speech.
A week went by…..nothing. Two weeks went by…..nothing. On the third week she called me into her office. She told me that they would not be able to give me a raise due to my title. Although I acted as the department manager for the better part of that year, my title was that of a coordinator. I was shocked.
The next morning I did the same thing I had done to get the job in the first place….fought for myself. I went into intricate details with my manager and her manager of all the ways I had benefited and in some cases saved our small team. I was polite but also blunt about all the times I had taken a laptop and worked during days off and vacations to keep our team afloat. I explained how we had stayed in this location because I was being considered for management in the near future. I asked that if they were worried about my salary (which was not much) for my title then please change my title to justify a raise.
Shortly after...in fact the day after we signed a lease for our new home….I was told to begin looking for a new job. Apparently fighting for myself was not the best move and was taken as a sign of aggression. My manager denied ever telling me I was being considered for management and downplayed almost every point I mentioned in my email.
I have now come to realize that by fighting for myself I had somehow challenged her authority and made her look weak or aloof in the eyes of her manager.
Three short weeks later I was driving home with a box in the back seat full of items from my desk.
It was the worst ride I have ever taken. The most hopeless miles I have ever driven.
But something happened. The next morning when I woke up….the earth was still rotating. Not only that but I had a day ahead of me with limitless potential. I had only the skills I was born with to put food on my families table. The options were endless.
You see, something happened that dark and beautiful day a year ago. The facade of safety had been lifted. I realized that while culture tells you that going to a 9-5 that you don’t like is the safe and responsible and right thing to do...nothing can be further from the truth. The fact is a manager with a grudge can change your life on a bad afternoon no matter how hard you worked. That idea of safety had been shattered.
The past year has been an adventure. I have been on a journey these past months of discovering what my true passions are and what I really want my life to look like. It has been thrilling and scary all at once.
I am not there yet….but this next year will get me closer.
So with that I want to give you the top 3 things I have learned this year:
Try - I have tried and failed SO MANY things this year. In fact not one of my ideas or ventures has really been a success. But the difference from the past is….I tried. I tried and although I fell flat on my face publically...although I felt embarrassed several times….although I felt misunderstood so, so much…..I am that much closer to my goals and am continuing to refine the direction of my life. Try early and try often.
Say No - As I write this I am not living the dream. But I am not doing things that take me farther from it either. Its easy to say yes but it is hard to say no. Don’t take a certain job because it’s the norm or because its what people expect you to do if you know it will take you farther from what you are meant to do. Don’t spend a day doing something you hate because its the “safe” thing to do. Don’t be everything to everyone else and then not have time for your own passions. Life is a series of edits that either get you closer to your purpose or farther away. Say no to those things that take your further away or distract you from who and what your were meant to be.
Fight for yourself - You reading this right now have a purpose. You literally have been created for something. For some that is the corporate world. I have several family and friends that thrive in that environment….it's what they were born to do. I have many family and friends that were born to do ministry. Its where their skill meets their passion. Its hard work, but comes natural to them. The list goes on. So here is what I am saying….find what you love and fight for yourself. There are going to be people that tell you that you need to do things that you hate. There will be people that tell you that not everyone gets to live their dream. There will be people that tell you you're being unrealistic and that you should just find a job and work hard...that happiness is not a part of the equation. So please expect it and hear me….Find where your skill meets your passion, focus on that and don’t let anyone stop you. Be open to editing, be open to adjusting but keep moving forward little by little by little.
Don’t believe the lie that you cannot be happy with what you do with your life. Don’t believe the lie that security is found in a J-O-B where someone having a bad day can have you out on the street by lunch. Security is found when you are doing what you were created for.
Find what you were created for….where your skill meets your passion….and don’t stop.
1 year ago today I was given that gift. My life will never be the same…
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