Pain and Macaroni Salad

Pain.

There are two types of pain. The first is the immediate, jabbing, striking pain. The kind of pain that you feel with a broken finger or an argument. The kind of pain you feel with a swift kick in the gut that knocks the wind from your lungs. It hurts. It stings. More often than not it goes away or fades once the moment is gone.

Then there is the second type of pain. The pain that drips in over time. That is essentially undetected until it becomes too late or irreversible. The type of pain that sneaks in through a window while you're on vacation and takes its time robbing you blind. This is not the pain of a broken finger or an argument but of a slow burn or series of slightly abusive interactions.

This week I had to go in for an emergency dental procedure. For about 6 months I have had a crack in one of my molars. Other than an annoyance it has not really affected my life much. A while back I noticed that it was becoming more sensitive with hot and cold drinks so I simply started drinking using only the other side of my mouth. It was not a huge deal and it was livable.

Then tuesday night I was eating some macaroni salad. Yes, soft macaroni salad. I bit down and felt a strange sensation in my jaw followed by a deafening ringing in my ears. Something was not right. That night I woke up in pain and again realized that the ringing was not fading and I was having difficulty hearing in that ear. Google told me to go to the dentist so thats what I did the following day.

The morning after my dentist visit I woke up and realized something shocking….I was in no pain. I ate my breakfast…..no pain. I had meat for dinner…….no pain. It was incredible.

You see something happened that I did not even realize until it was too late. Over time the pain had slowly become more and more intense. I got more and more used to waking up in pain, being in pain when I ate and drank. It became more and more bearable. I was in living in pain and did not even realize it. The pain became normal. Until one day, something as simple as macaroni salad took me out.

Thats what happens with this second type of pain in our lives. Something seeps in that is slightly painful or abusive or unhealthy and we simply adapt and get used to it. Over time it becomes more and more intense but we just brush it off. Eventually something simple and small puts us over the edge causing an irreversible or damaging pain that must be addressed.

I will write about this more in the future but in the past I have struggled with deep seasons of depression. They did not come until my late 20’s. By that time I had experienced enough life and hurt and pain that I had stories to tell. I never addressed or discussed my hurts with anyone. And then one day something small took me out. I went through stages where I could not get out of bed. I could not handle the littlest thing that crossed my path. It took time and effort to reverse this and its still something I have to maintain today.

So what is the point of all of this. Every one of you reading this has the second type of pain in your life. It will be different for each of us but there is something going on right now that you are letting occur that is causing a slow but building pain. Maybe its the job that is eating away at your soul. Maybe it is the person who says really passive aggressive hurtful things to you. Perhaps you are causing the hurt to yourself and need to break the cycle. Maybe the church has let you down time and time again and you are close to walking away altogether.

It’s time to address these issues. Unaddressed they will build up and cause pain in the form of bitterness, resentment, distrust and the list goes on. Some of us just need to let go or walk away from something that is unhealthy or abusive. Some of us need to confront that which is continuing to hurt us. Some of us simply need to forgive and move on. It is time to identify the source and break the cycle.

Whatever it is, don’t let the pain continue one more day or you may find yourself being taken out by something as simple as macaroni salad.